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WOMEN'S & CHILDREN'S | Family Maternity Center | Pregnancy Resource Center | Pregnancy Library | Family Members | Hey, Dad: Sex: Will she still want it? Will I?
Hey, Dad: Sex: Will she still want it? Will I?
Did you know that some women's sexual desire really increases during pregnancy? It's true. It's also true that, for other women, sexual arousal declines, especially in the first and third trimester. Some men find themselves less aroused as their partner's shape changes. Both may fear that having sex could hurt the baby.
Though sex is almost always safe during pregnancy, pregnancy will undoubtedly affect one or both partners' sex drive and sexual feelings. These changes can lead to greater intimacy or they can cause hurt feelings and a sense of distance, if both partners fail to communicate openly about their feelings.
Your changing sex drives
Many factors affect a pregnant woman's sexual desire. Her body image, hormone levels, nausea and fatigue, and sense of physical comfort and discomfort all fluctuate throughout pregnancy and affect her interest in physical intimacy. Some women focus on the coming baby to the exclusion of their partner, which can lead to a sense of distance for both. Other women feel a greater abandon and enjoy sex more than ever as they let go of their own expectations to be slim and trim.
Men, too, may find their interest in sex fluctuates. Some men find their partners less attractive during pregnancy. Others find themselves more aroused than ever by their partner's "voluptuous" body. Misplaced worry about hurting the baby can cool sexual urges. Differing sex drives can lead to hurt feelings and loneliness for both partners, especially during the emotional roller coaster that pregnancy is. As always, the best response is to communicate openly, honestly and often.
Is it safe?
Sex is both safe and healthy in most pregnancies, right up until labor begins. The fetus is protected in the uterus, and intercourse can't hurt it. Nor can sex introduce germs to the baby, thanks to the amniotic sac surrounding the fetus and the thick mucous plug at the opening of the cervix. However, your doctor might advise you to limit or avoid intercourse if you have had:
- Preterm labor or birth before
- More than one miscarriage
- Placenta previa (where the placenta covers part or all of the cervix)
- Bleeding or infection
- Leaking amniotic fluid or breaking of the amniotic sac
But no intercourse doesn't have to mean no sex. There are plenty of other ways to express your sexuality and love.
Top tips for better sex during pregnancy
- Rediscover the erotic pleasure of cuddling, kissing, and "petting."
- Try different positions. Side-by-side, either facing one another or back to front, works well late in pregnancy, as does having the woman on top, so there's no pressure on her belly.
- More foreplay. Take your time to warm up with some leisurely fondling. But the best foreplay starts long before you get under the covers. Mid-day phone calls just to say "hi," extra help with household chores, a small but unexpected gift now and then, and sharing your feelings and even fears all help foster emotional intimacy and can help set the stage for mutually satisfying sexual intimacy as well.
Date last reviewed: October 2002.
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