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WOMEN'S & CHILDREN'S | Family Maternity Center | Pregnancy Resource Center | Pregnancy Library | Family Members | Birth Day: What’s your role as a new dad?
Birth Day: What’s your role as a new dad?
There was a time, not so long ago, when being "at the birth" meant handing out cigars in the hospital waiting room. Today fathers may be actively involved in every step of pregnancy and birth, from the home pregnancy test to the cutting of the umbilical cord. But the question remains: Exactly how involved do you want to be in the birth? What role do you want to play?
There's no law stating that you have to be present at the birth. And there are plenty of ways to be supportive before, during (driving to the hospital, calling family members from the waiting room), and after the birth without actually being present for the birth. But today, most women expect their partner's presence. And you'd be hard pressed to find a dad who did attend his children's births who wouldn't encourage you to do the same.
What's expected of a father at the birth?
Obviously it's different for every man. You should know, however, that you don't need a medical degree to be helpful during the birth. Trust your doctor or midwife with the medical details. Your role is to be at your partner's side, talking to her, reassuring her, touching her in ways she finds comforting: in other words, loving her. You should also be ready to respond to her requests: for a certain kind of help, to get or do something, or to stop doing whatever it is she suddenly finds distracting or unpleasant. She may not always be gracious in her requests, so put yourself in her shoes and let it roll off your back.
More tips for dads at delivery:
- Survey the territory. Early in labor, look around the birth center or hospital birthing unit, getting to know the nurses, finding out where ice chips and snacks (if any) are. With a little preparation, you'll be ready to quickly respond to your partner's requests later on.
- Pace yourself. You never know how long labor will take. Early on, if your partner is trying to rest, get some rest yourself. Don't forget to eat. Keep up your own strength.
- Know your partner's preferences. When she's deep in labor, she's in no position to remind her healthcare provider that she didn't want an episiotomy, or that she did want anesthesia. You need to be her eyes and ears, and even mouth, while she's laboring at the hardest work of her life.
Expect the unexpected
Remember that healthy babies are born in a rush of fluid and blood; they're messy. If your baby is born by cesarean, his or her skin will be bluish at first. Forceps and vacuum devices are sometimes necessary to get the baby out; they leave small, temporary indentations or bruises on baby's head.
If an emergency should arise, you may be asked to step out of the room very suddenly, with no explanation. Just do it. You'll get a complete explanation later. Meanwhile, make room for the medical professionals to do their work.
How do you figure out what role you want to play?
- Read. The childbirth books scattered around your house offer plenty of advice about various ways partners can support or otherwise help during labor and birth.
- Attend childbirth classes. You'll learn a lot about the process, and you'll meet other men preparing for birth as well.
- Discuss having a doula at the birth. She not only comforts and supports the mother but also can help reassure you and suggest ways you can be helpful from moment to moment.
Date last reviewed: October 2002.
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